peace corps wanted you to think about your future in ghana.
you appreciate it – you really do.
peace corps does in fact take very good care of you.
but how could you even think about the future when mali was just a few days ago? when you were still on the same continent.
any thought that was not related to mali felt like betrayal.
not enough time had passed.
you knew no decision made here, regardless of the soothing surroundings, would feel right. or be right.
except for one decision: to book a ticket to france.
and here, now, today, from the inside of this box that many call an apartment, with a 12th floor view of paris,
…you are finally fretting and worrying and planning and reflecting and thinking and working and searching and moving forward.
in ghana you did none of that. maybe you should have. lots of others did. you ignored transfer offers. you didn’t sign up for reenrollment consultations. you weren’t ready to think about the next part.
instead you hung out with your coping mechanisms.
your yala yala buddies.
as well as two extra friends: roxanne and don simon.
oh, don’t misunderstand, you attended sessions. physically. you listened and took notes. but mentally you were somewhere else. emotionally you were absent. perhaps the only place where you were completely present was the ocean.
all you wanted to do,
and all you could do,
was just stand in front of a never ending gray.